playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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