I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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