Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
