you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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