I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He passed out mid-signature
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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