Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
