well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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