Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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