we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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