He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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