My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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