so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
