I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
