Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
