I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
