My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
