so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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