SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
