Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
