Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
