I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
