Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
