I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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