I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
