You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
