I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
