then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
