I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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