I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm at about main and main street
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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