Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
