carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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