look no pants
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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