Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
