when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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