oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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