Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
