Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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