I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
