Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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