I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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