I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
