My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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