Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
