Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
