Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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