I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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