is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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