i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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