she woke up with a sticky ear
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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