I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
