I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is my gift to your gina
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
