The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
