HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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