Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
