there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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