enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
